Recently, the back-end of an F-150 and Newton’s third law of motion performed some custom body work on the front of my daily driver Chevy HHR. Normally, I’m a big fan of Newton, but his custom shop sucks. Things got a little wrinkly, but no one was hurt. We all exchanged information and parted ways pleasantly enough. I drove the car to the local police station to file a report, and when Officer Friendly came out to look at the car, things got weird.
It had a good whack on the nose, so the radiator was a little messed up and there was a small coolant leak under the front of the car. I can only assume from his reaction that a damaged radiator had at one point broken into his childhood home, shot his dog, beat up his skateboard and drank all the Ovaltine. “You can’t drive THAT!” he shouted. He may have started to go for his gun too, I can’t be sure. Visibly shaken, he disappeared back inside the station and within minutes, a FIRE ENGINE arrived, and six guys in full gear set to work sprinkling kitty litter on the eight inch puddle under the nose of my car. He took my keys, my car was impounded, and I never saw it again.
I imagine later that night, under the cover of darkness, Officer Friendly returned to the impound lot with his service bazooka. Childhood trauma clenching his heart, he shouldered his weapon and took aim at my little Chevy. “This…” he whispered in the moonlight, “this is for my Ovaltine.”
So if Officer Friendly happens by some chance to stumble across this post, I would like to point out that at least a few other cars with more damage than my wrinkled hood and drippy rad have at one time or another graced the roads of the world. Not that I’m saying they should have, but maybe my little Chevy wasn’t quite the menace to society that it seemed.
Click the link for a collection of truly bazooka-worthy damaged rides.
As always, if you’re looking for morons doing what morons do best, YouTube is the place to shop. Enjoy this parade of Romero worthy living-dead cars: